Safe In the Storm

You know how adversity strengthens your faith?

Last summer, we were on a cruise ship. We got out to sea and about halfway through the 2nd day, we had the most incredible storm. The lightning was flashing--multiple bolts per second. The visibility as the heavens opened and rain poured down was nearly nothing, and the waves were pretty rough.

That day, we watched the storm from our stateroom. Now, I've seen storms off the coast from the safety of a hotel room. When those electrical storms hit the land, they're tend to lose a little of their ferocity. There is an intensity that takes place over water that is more amazing, more awe-striking, more incredible than anything on this planet you can imagine. It's almost primeval.

So we're on this boat, we are idling because of zero visibility, and we're floating with the big waves. The captain is trying to keep us from being tossed about too much but it's pretty rough just the same. Huge bolts of lightning keep striking all around us. They'd strike the water around us in every direction, two, three, four strikes at a time. The thunder was simultaneous, and it was continuous. In the midst of it, the foghorn continued to blow, adding to the overall surreal nature of the setting.

The kids were scared to death, but Bob and I just watched in awe. It was actually the best moment of our entire trip for me, because in it, I got a glimpse of God's incredible power. Later, I thought about Jesus waking up on a little boat in the midst of a storm like that, and finding his panicked disciples frantically bailing and trying to stay afloat. They were probably scared too, and likely were doing everything they could to fight the storm and save their lives, according to their own expectations of what should happen.

Well, the thing about storms is that they always pass. After a while, this one did too. Almost immediately, the sun came out, the sea flattened, and everything was calm again. Storms always pass. In our case, the storm lasted an hour, and then on it's own, it just went away. In the case of the other storm I mentioned before, Jesus just woke up and said, "Peace, be still."

So, I guess we are dealing with this knowing that God can tell the storm, "Peace, be still," whenever He is going to do it....and He always does, because the storm always passes. I'd be ok if He did that right now, but I don't have a lot of say in the matter so I pretty much have to sit here and wait and watch. I am so tempted to just bail like crazy and try to make it happen my way, but I know I'm supposed to be still and wait for this storm to pass.

One thing about storms though, is that there will always be another. Maybe each one we ride out will help us understand even better what to do next time...what to expect, when to bail, when to pull in the sails, when to just cry out to God to calm the waves. I wish I knew well enough when to figure out which to do, but sometimes we're not supposed to 'do'.... we're just supposed to 'be'.

I think right now, I'm just suppoed to 'be,' as in 'be still.' Sometimes the waves aren't around us, but in us. Sometimes our hearts are waiting for Jesus to come and say 'be still'. It's not the waves, it's our fear of the waves.

I believe she's going to be ok. I'm claiming a lot of promises right now, but I'm especially claiming His words and trying to remember to claim His peace. I need a lot of reminding, but I know the storm will eventually pass. It always does.

Amanda Update #1

Hi friends,
Well, tomorrow, Friday January 18th, we start messing with Amanda's medications in preparation for her testing in the seizure lab at Vanderbilt Hospital. The upside to this is that finally, after 12 years of what feels a bit like wandering in the wilderness waiting for answers, we may finally be closer.

Right now, I'm sitting in an airport waiting for a flight that is hopelessly delayed, thinking it's as good a time as any to start chronicling our journey. I suspect at this point that the testing will lead to brain surgery, though Bob is reminding me to take one step at a time. I wish I could, but of course, my thoughts always lead to the next place, and I can't help but wonder where that place will be.

Today, some of my team-mates at work laid hands on me and prayed for Amanda and our family. It was a profound experience. I am so lifted by their prayers, and over and over again, I am hearing from others who are reminding me that they are praying for us. I know that if God created Amanda, he can control the details involved in her body and her brain.

I've met a bunch of new friends on an epilepsy e-board. I have not participated in one of those for years, but now that things are getting pretty heavy-duty, I'm experiencing a desire to connect with other folks who have been through the same thing we are going through now. Many, many of the folks are very encouraging.

Yesterday, Amanda had a seizure at school--and this is before we removed the med that has been giving her fairly decent control. The next week, prior to her admission into the hospital, will be very, very interesting. Hope you continue to watch here and read her updates. And we covet your prayers!

Fire Island

Summertime greetings from the Hawkes family!

Here's a few pictures from "Fire Island," our back yard garden. We put in a pool this summer and did a whole bunch of digging in the yard. We've gone for the maximum garden effect, but it definately seems as though there is always more to do.

We've named it "Fire Island" because we have the very best in redneck outdoor lighting--tiki torches!! Without all the trees in the back, we'd probably be visible from the Space Shuttle when everything is burning. I'm not sure it's the best thing to have tiki torches over pine-needle mulch, but at least it will be interesting if it ever goes up.

I'm actually writing this from one of the back yard swings right now, but the pictures were taken during the day. Sorry. You have to come visit for the full effect. We went for the whole Feng Shui thing and did the fire, wind, earth and water thing. Both swings are lit up by torches, near the creek, and have windchimes. Oh, and they are on the ground. That's the 4 major elements, right? And to top it all off, they are all wi-fi enabled. I guess that's 2006 Feng Shui!

Here's a few pictures as we trudge through the dog days of summer.